21 Ways to be a Happier You

Happiness is a state of mind. Sadly, all of us define attempt to triumphs/accomplish ments that will make us happy. We tell ourselves that we will be happy when we get our job and promotion. We persuade ourselves to think that life will be better when we get married and complete our family. Once this is achieved, we try to convince that happiness will be ours only after the children are professionally settled and so on. We thus spend our lives waiting to be happy sometime in the future. Little do we realize that there is no better time to be happy than right now. Remember, life will continue to be full of challenges-we cannot let our triumph over these challenges determine our happiness.

Here are 21 simple and straightforward practices that will put you on the road to happiness.

1. Smile Frequently:

We usually smile when we are happy. Studies prove that the converse is also true : smiling can actually make us feel better and help us to see the lighter side of things. Certainly, a smile makes us approachable.

2. Be Content:

Happiness is nothing but the ability to be content. It has little to do with what we possess materially. It has even less to do with achieving your self-determined goals in life. Contentment comes from enjoying life as we live it-hurdles and all-from day to day. See what you have, not what you lack. Secondly, limit your wants and needs. Our desires are insatiable, be it clothes, furniture, jewellary. As soon as one desire is fulfilled, another desire awakens. Limiting our desires will help us focus on things that we already have.

3. Live in the Present:

At any time during the day, pull yourself up. Try to recall what you were thinking for the past 10 minutes. It is very likely that you were either dwelling on past problems (how the other person was nasty to you or outsmarted you,etc) or worrying about future concerns in your life (we may not have our job, our children may not get admission in good schools and so on). Such thoughts leave not let us enjoy the present. Remember, "Now" is the only time we have and the only time that we have control over. Practise keeping your attention on the "here and now".

4. Plan things you can look forward to:

Living life the same way everyday is boring. We need to sustain interest in our lives by doing new things. So, surprise your hubby with a tasty candlelight dinner one evening. Go out with your friends for a picnic lunch. Book tickets for a movie you have been wanting to see for a long time. In short do anything that takes you away from routine and gives you something to look forward to in the evening, the next day, over the weekend, or any time in the future.

5. Don't try to compete with our Neighbors:

Most of us share a common tendency. It is that we compare ourselves with other people and their status or compare our accomplishments with those of others. When we feel short of successes, we work harder and push ourselves beyond the limit. Life thus begins and ends as a struggle to "prove ourselves". Jealously takes a heavy toll on us. It hurts, confuses, angers, depresses, humiliates, builds up stress, and leaves us feeling inadequate and inferior.

6. We are what we are:

The truth is: we are what we are.. We cannot be someone else. There is no point coveting another's perfect figure, looks, lovely hair, beautiful bungalow, magnificent jewellery, etc. Learn to accept yourself. Everyone has unique strengths and challenges. Identify yours, set your goals for fulfilling your dreams, and get going.

7. It is as it is:

However else you may wish it, it is as it is. A mistake has been made, the plan has been delayed, something has been broken and you cannot change it. All you can do is: accept it and go on with life considering the unforeseen twist of events. Optimism means turning something that seems all bad into something good. Research shows that optimism lowers stress, which in turn, decreases the risk of heart disease. Optimism can make us smile and be content and happy.

8. Unclutter Your Home:

Clutter is the other name for chaos, confusion, muddle, jumble and what not, and contributes greatly to our irritability and annoyance. So avoid cluttering your cupboards, rooms, home with extra-unwanted things. It prevents us from accessing useful things when we need them, thereby generating stress and frustration. So keep your home organized and clean.

9. Don't Procrastinate:

When we keep jobs pending, especially the ones we don't like for some reason, we live under stress. Whatever else maybe engaged in, these jobs constantly niggle at us at the back of our minds. So, get going. Resolve to complete all pending jobs today. Moreover, first complete jobs that you particularly don't like to do. The anticipation of finishing jobs that you enjoy doing later will keep you going even through the earlier, not-so-enjoyable ones.

10. Keep things in Perspective:

We usually live our life as if it were one big emergency. Whether it is being late for a meeting, a messy room, garbage thrown by the neighbors, a barking dog, a traffic jam, irritable kids, we usually tend to overreact. We shout, we rave and mat irrevocably damage our relationship with bigger mess. So, accepts life's quirks as they come, put things in perspective and become happier.

11. Get in Touch With Old Friends:

Carrying on with life, we occasionally remember cherished friends, dear colleagues, and old neighbors from our yesteryear. We keep them in thought. So, take the initiative and dig up old dairies, look up their numbers and do invite them over. Meeting dear old ones de-stresses us and makes up for all irritants and setbacks in our life.

12. Take Out Time For Yourself:

Every minute we are busy doing something or the other. How many of us take time out to be absolutely alone with our own self? Being alone give each one of us breathing space that we need. Yes, even from our spouses. Being alone gives us a chance to think quietly. It helps us ponder over things that we would like to do and dreams that we would like to realize. It enables us to be at peace with ourselves and makes us happier.

13. Create a Peaceful Environment:

When we live and work in a properly arranged environment, it is much easier to develop and maintain a positive attitude. Make the surroundings restful. Ensure optimal lighting and temperature. Keep the rooms clutter free, put in comfortable furniture. Bring in plants, music, and pressure decrease, our muscles relax. This helps us to concentrate better on the job at hand. A job well done-be it cooking, cleaning, or office work-brings with it a sense of achievement and elation.

14. Be Less Creative:

Your kid did not clear uo her plate after dinner. The driver in the car on your left swerved too close to you, the bank clerk was being too slow. Do not get bothered and react in the expected manner. Let it pass. At all costs do not shout whatever the provocation. Anger makes it impossible for you to think rationally. Moreover, a reactive person who shouts is a real turn-off others. Note that being non-over reactive does not let ant stress build up in you. You remain more focused on the job at hand.

15. Bring Humor into Your Life:

By choice, have occasions that make you laugh happily into your day. Share jokes with your family. Watch a humorous film, and tell your colleagues funny incidents. In short, anything that will amuse you and others around you.

16. Accept People as They are-Even Your Spouse:

If only my husband would help with some chores in the morning. If only my mother-in-law would take more responsibility of the children, if only my father-in- law would remember to lower the TV volume, things can be different. We expect everyone to exchange according to our point of view. Obviously when this does not happen, we are disillusioned and we keep complaining. This brings negativity into our
relationship with these people. Do accept people as they are. Once others see your unconditional love for them, they will try their best to do things that will please you.

17. Be Grateful:

Begin by noticing in what way you are dependent on others-your family, your friends, relatives, neighbors, and even people who serve you such as servants, shopkeepers and so on. Let them know that you genuinely appreciate all that they do for you. While there may certainly be differences. Remember, gratitude, inner peace, and happiness go hand in hand.

18. Stop Blaming Others:

We always believe that if anything has gone wrong with things, it must be someone else's fault. In life, others are responsible for our frustration, stress, and unhappiness. This means that we do not control our life: our frame of mind is dependent on the actions and behavior of others. For a change hold yourself responsible for your happiness, for your circumstances, for your life. This will put you in charge of your happiness.

19. Make Someone else's Day Happier:

Everyday, resolve to so at least one thing that will make someone other than you happy. It may be as small a thing as buying milk for your neighbor or giving away a frock for your maid's daughter or giving up your seat in the bus for a woman with a child. These little, often unnoticed acts of kindness, will fill you with warmth that will grow inside you all day long and before long, become your own way of life. More importantly, don't talk about the good deed to anyone at home, workplace or elsewhere.

20. Tell Your Family and Friends That You Love Them:

We know that we love our family and friends, and they love us in return. Yet, we are at times too shy or too stiff to utter them to the people we love. Don't hesitate, say what you feel to your loved ones and you will be filled an inner peace and confidrncr on heating them say the same words to you.

21. Keep a Dairy:

Always keep a dairy and pen with you. Make a habit of writing down all the good things that happen to you during the day. By writing down about the precious moments of your life, they become a part of our lives. The positive feeling comes back whenever we revisit happy moments through our dairy.


So next time you are unhappy, remind yourself that you and you alone can make yourself happy.

9 Ways to Beat Negativity

1. Tell yourself a positive story. Life is a story. The story we tell ourselves and the role we play in that story determines the quality and direction of our life. The best real estate professionals are able to overcome adversity by telling themselves a more positive story than the rest. Instead of a drama or a horror movie, they define their life as an inspirational tale. Instead of being the victim, they see themselves as a fighter and overcomer. You may not be able to control market conditions, but you can influence the outcome of your story.

2. Model yourself after success. Are there real estate practitioners succeeding today? Of course there are. Seek out those people in your market and ask to meet with them. Learn from their advice and model their attitudes and actions. If they can succeed, so can you.

3. Focus on the important stuff. Tune out the negative voices and start making positive choices. What are you doing on a daily basis to grow yourself, your team, and your business? Don’t focus on the negative things other salespeople and the media are saying. Instead, focus on marketing your business, taking care of clients, and building loyal relationships. Every morning ask yourself this question: "What are the three most important things I need to do today that will help me create the success I desire?" Then take action on those items.

4. Replace "have to" with "get to." This simple word swap can change your mind-set and your approach to work and life. It turns a complaining voice to an appreciative voice, and acknowledges that life is a gift—not an obligation. So often we grudgingly say things like "I have to go to this meeting," "I have to meet with this client," or "I have to sell houses in this market." In reality, it’s not about what we have to do. It’s about what we get to do. Research shows that when we practice gratitude, we get a measurable boost in happiness that energizes us and enhances our health. It’s also physiologically impossible to be stressed and thankful at the same time.

5. Refuse to participate in the recession. Professionals who’ve thrived during past recessions continued to go about business as usual regardless of market conditions. They worked hard and focused on taking actions to grow their business. As others are paralyzed by fear, take the opportunity to charge forward.

6. Boost your marketing and advertising. It may seem counterintuitive to spend more money on advertising and marketing right now. But with so many of your competitors cutting back in these areas, this is a great opportunity to build your brand and gain market share. People are still buying and selling, and they will buy from those whom they trust and see in the marketplace.

7. Create a positive vision. Instead of being disappointed about where you are, make the decision to be optimistic about where you are going. Create a positive vision for your future and the future of your team. Vision helps you see the road ahead and it gives you something meaningful and valuable to strive towards.

8. Invite others on your bus. Invite colleagues and customers to board your bus for a positive ride. Send them an e-bus ticket at www.TheEnergyBus.com. Share your vision with team members and ask them to join you in making this vision a reality. Be a positive influence.

9. No more complaining. Abide by the "no complaining" rule. When you realize you’re about to complain, replace your thoughts and words with positive actions. Let your complaints help you identify what you don’t want so that you can focus on what you do want. The key is to turn complaints into solutions.

Love and Aloneness - Unravelling the ego and pride

There is a most bizarre word the media and the psychologists have begun to use to describe loneliness in our societies: they say it has become an epidemic. An epidemic! A description normally reserved for extremely prevalent and widespread diseases – that is what this state of mind has become. And the statistics back it up. A third of the citizens of many civilized countries admit to suffering from extreme loneliness. And the impact on our physical health - one study reported that isolated men were 25% more likely to die than those in a relationship, and the women 33% more likely.

Why is loneliness so painful? There are many reasons – but there is one in particular I’m starting to notice. Loneliness is a curse because we don’t know who we are - and that is our basic anxiety. When you are alone, all yourself knowledge, your identity, your personality - your ego begins to unravel. The deeper into your aloneness you go, the more you see all your self-knowledge as they are – false.

And it is scary – what you have known your entire life - false! It is so scary that much of our culture is based around this fear. Social clubs, associations, political parties, and even cafés – they all exist for one thing: so one can avoid being alone. And what if we are by ourselves? Then we turn to music, alcohol, the television, the Internet – all to avoid being in our own company.

But the strange thing is – losing our false identity, it is a blessing. It can be scary, yes, but when we turn around and face it - when we turn our loneliness into aloneness –that is when we begin to experience what is real.

When you are alone, everything that you have disowned, everything that you refuse to accept or acknowledge – they begin to arise. We begin to truly know ourselves, to see the genuine. And that is not something that can be told - it has to be experienced.

Comparison – the unraveling of the self

The first thing we have to know is - when we are in a crowd, we think we know who we are. You are American, Vietnamese, Indian. Why? Because you look around and there are people who look different. Everyone calls you by your name, so that is who you are. Everyone acknowledges your title, your job description – they call you Mister, Missus, Madam, Doctor, Reverend, and that is what you think you are.

You are beautiful, because those around you are ugly. You are tall, because your neighbors are short. You are poor, because they live in mansions. You are rich, because some live in cardboard boxes.But who you are, is not any of these. As Osho said - your heart is neither European nor African, tall nor short, poor nor rich. Who you are is beyond these little labels.

And when you are completely alone, there is no one to compare to. There is no false standard to measure yourself by – and that is when all these labels and false layers start to unravel. Your identity, your very personality, begins to disappear and all our lives, that is who we think we are. Our identity card, our driver’s license, and our passport. Our history, our descriptions, and our reputations. Our jobs and our accomplishments. . And when that falls away…some people feel it a form of death. And in a way, it is.

What is left? The genuine. I can’t describe it - I haven’t gone there yet. But the deeper I have gone, the more I realise how beautiful it is. To go completely into aloneness, to find the real – I can’t think of anything I’d want more. So, go and be alone. Not lonely, just alone. Accept and heal whatever bubbles to the front. Throw away all your masks and your false faces. Go away from society. Stop being afraid of loneliness, and just be alone. Let it become your mirror, the perfect mirror, to see who you really are.

And one day – when you feel ready, when you can say that you have known yourself, taken delight and found Love in yourself. That is when your butterfly comes out of the chrysalis. And this process is different for everyone. How long does it take? I’ve been alone for close to 4 years – and there is still so much to find!

The proud and the egotistical

And comparison leads us perfectly to a question that I have been pondering for a long time: What of those who are so proud and egotistical? What is the difference between being selfish, and of being self loving?

Love for oneself, for one’s totality – the heart, body, and soul - is perhaps the biggest accomplishment one can ever achieve. Someone who has such Love becomes joyful, peaceful, and content. It is impossible for one who knows Love to be hurtful. I know a few such people - they are the most humble women and men one can ever meet. And just as someone who loves their garden will spend hours planting roses, picking out weeds, and smelling the fragrances – so, too will such people take pleasure in who they are.

And this is the source of much confusion. There are so many people who seem to be strong, confident, but there is something wrong. You must have met such people before – outwardly strong and powerful, but when they left, they left you feeling drained or weak. What is the difference between the two?

If you look carefully, and you know what to look for, the difference is there for you to see.

I once heard: There is no neutrality in life; there is either love or hate. There is no zero in which you are simply empty. What we think of as neutrality hides a quiet contempt, a let-them-burn attitude. If you don’t love, you hate. It might be a subtle hatred or a cool dislike, but it is hatred nonetheless.

Such people exude an indistinct anger and hatred. They make themselves feel better at the expense of those they come into contact with. They have boosted themselves by trampling on you. They spit on others – “I must be higher than they are if I can spit downwards” – that is their rationale. Everything they have – all their self worth and power - is based on judgment and comparison, based on having someone underneath them!

Vanity, egotism, and pride – they all hide a subtle unhappiness, a cleverly disguised animosity. All hatred is self-hatred – and this lies hidden underneath their actions. And that is why they belittle others. Some of the overt ones rage, or yell – and it is all just an externalization of their internal self-violence. All their strength, their confidence – just a flimsy façade.

The vain and selfish

And the second thing: their worth is based on comparison. In fact, if taken to an extreme, pride becomes a form of personality disorder – narcissism. And this is the parable that Osho used to explain perfectly. All I can do is use the same story.

The story of Narcissus is a well known one – a young man who was so beautiful that he fell in love with his own reflection in the water. And there lies the difference. A humble man falls in love with himself; a vain man falls in love with his reflection.

And in that reflection – the comparison we’ve been discussing.. The psychology manuals list the traits of the personality disorder concretely: A modern day Narcissus believes he is special, that he is more beautiful than others, that he deserves more. She is arrogant; she demands attention and constant admiration. She takes advantage of others, with total disregard for their feelings.

How egotistical! And that’s exactly what it is – pride stems from the ego. Comparison strengthens it. Take them away from the crowd, give them no one to compare to, and their pride and their façade falls apart. When they have no one to trample on and sneer at, the truth is revealed, the ugliness in them arises.

I remember a few beautiful women; they spent hours on their make-up and clothes, and they constantly belittled other women. They seemed to have unshakeable self confidence – but when I got to know them better, all their insecurities – often about their looks! - rose to the fore. And it didn’t make sense initially - many women would kill to look like them, most men couldn’t take their eyes off them. Such empty egoistic pride – it doesn’t stand up to the test of aloneness.

Love is totally different. I have heard: In Love, there is no split, there is no other. The lover and the loved all melt into one. Narcissus – he was split. His object of affection wasn’t himself, it was his reflection.

Fake love rejects – when there is perceived imperfection, fake love kicks away. Real Love knows no comparison. When there is perceived imperfection, real love deepens. It holds even tighter.

Know Love – ego and pride, are the opposites of Love. Cultivate Love, and watch as they dissolve. An interesting piece that I happen to chance upon.

Polish yourself

There was a king who was a great admirer of art. He encouraged artists from all over his country and gave them valuable gifts.

One day an artist came and said to the king, "Oh King! Give me a blank wall in your palace and let me paint a picture on it. It will be more beautiful than anything you have ever seen before. I promise you shall not be disappointed."

Now, the king happened to be constructing a big hall at the rear end of the palace. So he said, "All right you may work on one of the walls in the new hall." So the artist was given the job and he was very pleased indeed.

Just then, another young man said, "Oh King! Please allow me to work on the opposite wall. I too am an artist." The king said, "What would you like to make?"

The man said, "My Lord, I shall make exactly what that man will make on the opposite wall. Moreover, I shall do so, without looking at his work. I would even request you to have a thick curtain put up between the two walls so that either of us can not see the other."

Now, that was a tall statement. Everyone in the king's court, including the king and the first artist were intrigued. But the king loved surprises and he decided to give the young fellow a chance.

The following day a thick curtain was put into place and both the artists got to work.

The first artist brought in a regular supply of paint, oil, water etc. The second one would come with a cloth and a bucket of water every day.

After a month the first artist told the king that his work was complete and he would like to show it to the king. The king sent for the second artist and asked him, "Young man, when would your work be ready? I am coming to see the first wall this evening." The man said, "My Lord, my wall is ready too!"

The king went to see the first artist's wall. He was very, very impressed with the painting and gave a hefty sum as a reward to the artist. He then asked for the curtain to be opened up. Lo and behold! The same painting was to be seen on the opposite wall too! Amazing! But true! Each line, each minor detail was exactly as it was on the first wall. But this man had not been seeing what was going on, on the other side of the curtain. So how had he done it?

The king wanted to know the secret. He gave a double reward to the fellow. Then he said, "Young man, I am indeed very happy with your work. But you must tell me; how did you do it?"

The lad said simply, "It's very easy! I just polished the wall every day! It was a wall made of white marble! The fellow polished it till it shone like a mirror. The reflection of the painting across the room, showed up in it! "

That is what it means to polish yourself.

For when we polish our hearts and souls, we see God's reflection within.

It is said that the world is a reflection of you.

Whatever you are, the world will seem to be that too.

If you are sad, jealous, dejected, angry, restless ... That is what the world will seem to be!

If you are happy, the world will seem to be paradise.

You decide how you want your world to look …